Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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