It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
