So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Randomize
