Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
