you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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