weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
