i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He felt like a one man threesome
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
