Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize