i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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