Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
