You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
