if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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