I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
