I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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