Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
