The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
im on a boat
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