I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My bed smells like the plague
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
