she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
