I'm lost and stupid without you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
