just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
