Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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