I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
