He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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