I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
