There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i dont even know how to be here
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
