how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
