i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
