You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
