Your dad touched me again.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
nutella sex= disaster
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
