Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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