he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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