she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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