Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't EVER smell your tampon
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
