Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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