Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
