My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
