Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
