I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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