it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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