I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
