So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize