Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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