never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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