I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
