Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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