Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
