Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Shitshow foam night was such a success
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
