i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
