If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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