just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize