turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
