i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
