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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
