She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
