My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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