Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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