just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
