her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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