I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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