Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize