The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
