road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
