Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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