Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
