actually, I'm a sock model
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
