I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My penis needs a shock collar
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
