Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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