Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
