and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
