I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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