When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
