it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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