very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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