I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
