Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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