please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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