there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize