took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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