So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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