You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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