Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
