cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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