I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
