Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
