In the future we'll all be gay
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
