If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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