I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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