So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
me + whiskey = a bad person
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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