is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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