mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
