I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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