I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
