I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
