Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
