Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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