She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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