im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
