Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
