omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize