Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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