I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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