So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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