shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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