I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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