I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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