Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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