Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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