He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
