2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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