If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
