Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
