You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
